So I want to live on a ranch and have my husband herd the cows and ride in the pasture. I want to cook overlooking the beautiful view from my front porch and making the most delicious meals ever. After a long days work I want my children to gather around the table enjoying each others company, laughing, talking, and stuffing our faces. I have visions of this in my head. I read blogs and see pictures of this happy life. This picture perfect life. I am not saying my life doesn't have its perfect moments because it does but, reality sets in and I am not sure if my life will ever look like that...ever. I say this to the part of my children laughing and talking not about owning a ranch and overlooking a green pasture. Hell, I live on the surface of the sun. Heaven knowns life will never look like that. I could imagine the monsoon's rolling across the desert. Or a hot wind sweeping across my sweaty face :). Thats more like it now! All I know I want, is my children to enjoy our family and talk about it. I love them and my family so dearly.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Until My Good Becomes Better and My Better Become Best...
These words are echoing in my mind right now. My son has to recite this every morning at school. Until my good becomes better.... what a thought, eh? I look at this saying with hope. I believe my good is becoming better but has not reached its best yet. I believe me twins have become better everyday. Today I have high hopes (everyday is different), but today that is my mood. High hopes that the future is bright.
My therapist think that Amee is doing better. My daughter has suffered from random sicknesses and numerous ear problems for the past 8 months. She had tubes put in her ears to help her hearing, due to clear fluid build up. It was during this process and test that we discovered she is about 90% deaf in her left ear. When the doctor told me this I cried. Looking back on it I don't know why. Given the events that have taken place since, being deaf in one ear is really not a big deal. Right after the conversation with the doctor I got a phone call from a friend who's brother was in a horrific accident. She was told he wouldn't make it and sadly he did not. That put it in perspective for me. Anyways, back to what I saying... Last week my daughter wound up in the hospital with mastoiditis. Basically and infection of the mastoid bone. It was there that we decided something had to change. The doctor thought the tubes might be causing all these problems so he removed them. I have noticed she seems much happier. I feel terrible when I think about all the pain she must have been in that last 8 months. I can only imagine her wanting to scream and say..."UM HELLO I HAVE A 1000 POUNDS OF PRESSURE IN MY EARS!!!!""NOT TO MENTION MY VAJAY-JAY IS ON FIRE!!" She also had a UTI, I am suspecting due to her kidney reflux.
My poor angel, what the heck is wrong with you. I feel as if she is falling apart at the ripe old age of 3! I hope this is the trick. I hope that therapy can become more productive for her. Who the he*& wants to listen to someone talk when their ears are pounding?!?! So I am feeling hopeful.
Although, I do feel optimistic I have to vent again (um excuse me while I fill up my diet coke).... It is down right impossible to clean when you have little ones. Not only do I have 4 children but when it comes to messes I have 5, my husband. My mister (Troy, T-money, Troyster, and some other choice names I call him) is wonderful. I love him dearly (most of the time) but I swear he cannot help clean. He tries and with sometimes an obvious fake smile on my face I thank him. How is it men can only do one thing at a time? I know this, I shouldn't be surprise. I remember a therapist once telling me men compartmentalize everything. Ta-tda my questions finally answered right??? Wrong! What must they compartmentalize, why can't they think of more then one thing at a time? Why when we are in a fight does he only think the fight is from that day and it doesn't have in underlying embedded issues? When I type that last sentence it sounds absurd! To be frank, he is a logical thinker and as much as I pride myself on being one I am much more emotional.
Sometimes we fight about the dumbest things and moments later I apologize and we love on each other. I really need to try and view things more logically, he would appreciate that. I would appreciate if he could clean AND watch the kids. I guess I should take what I can get right? One thing I have noticed is when he is frustrated with the twins progress and expresses it to me, I get mad. I don't really know why, I just do. Maybe it's because I am frustrated and don't want him to be. I want him to be my rock and tell me everything is going to be okay. They are going to get better, they are going to get married and go on a mission and have children. Truth be told, I don't know. I don't know exactly what the future holds for them, but today I am hopeful. I am sticking to it.
My eldest son started school at a fancy and semi strict charter school. I was worried that my little free spirited boy might hate it. I thought that some structure might be good for him though. Sure enough, he loves it. He loves his teacher and the friends he is making. So I couldn't be happier. I know that his school requires more homework so I know it's a commitment on my part as well (diet coke)(2 or maybe 3 route 44's :)). Sure, I always need more to do. Seriously, I love that kid to pieces and I want him to be filled with knowledge so I am happy to help.
Reese (my now 21 month old) is such a firecracker. I swear she has short man syndrome. In all honesty, I was and am still a little fearful that she is a dwarf. She is incredibly short. My other kids are tall and my husband is tall. I am a little short 5'2 but my mister is 6'2. I would only assume my kids would be tall. However, she is a midget. It's adorable but I have fears that something is wrong and I don't know it yet. Either way it doesn't matter to me but I like to be aware of it.
I am writing a novel and have piles of laundry to finish and dishes to clean, so I need to get to it. Especially since it is 12.14 am. DIET COKE, DIET COKE!! 'til we meet again.
My therapist think that Amee is doing better. My daughter has suffered from random sicknesses and numerous ear problems for the past 8 months. She had tubes put in her ears to help her hearing, due to clear fluid build up. It was during this process and test that we discovered she is about 90% deaf in her left ear. When the doctor told me this I cried. Looking back on it I don't know why. Given the events that have taken place since, being deaf in one ear is really not a big deal. Right after the conversation with the doctor I got a phone call from a friend who's brother was in a horrific accident. She was told he wouldn't make it and sadly he did not. That put it in perspective for me. Anyways, back to what I saying... Last week my daughter wound up in the hospital with mastoiditis. Basically and infection of the mastoid bone. It was there that we decided something had to change. The doctor thought the tubes might be causing all these problems so he removed them. I have noticed she seems much happier. I feel terrible when I think about all the pain she must have been in that last 8 months. I can only imagine her wanting to scream and say..."UM HELLO I HAVE A 1000 POUNDS OF PRESSURE IN MY EARS!!!!""NOT TO MENTION MY VAJAY-JAY IS ON FIRE!!" She also had a UTI, I am suspecting due to her kidney reflux.
My poor angel, what the heck is wrong with you. I feel as if she is falling apart at the ripe old age of 3! I hope this is the trick. I hope that therapy can become more productive for her. Who the he*& wants to listen to someone talk when their ears are pounding?!?! So I am feeling hopeful.
This is our idea of family fun!!
Although, I do feel optimistic I have to vent again (um excuse me while I fill up my diet coke).... It is down right impossible to clean when you have little ones. Not only do I have 4 children but when it comes to messes I have 5, my husband. My mister (Troy, T-money, Troyster, and some other choice names I call him) is wonderful. I love him dearly (most of the time) but I swear he cannot help clean. He tries and with sometimes an obvious fake smile on my face I thank him. How is it men can only do one thing at a time? I know this, I shouldn't be surprise. I remember a therapist once telling me men compartmentalize everything. Ta-tda my questions finally answered right??? Wrong! What must they compartmentalize, why can't they think of more then one thing at a time? Why when we are in a fight does he only think the fight is from that day and it doesn't have in underlying embedded issues? When I type that last sentence it sounds absurd! To be frank, he is a logical thinker and as much as I pride myself on being one I am much more emotional.
Sometimes we fight about the dumbest things and moments later I apologize and we love on each other. I really need to try and view things more logically, he would appreciate that. I would appreciate if he could clean AND watch the kids. I guess I should take what I can get right? One thing I have noticed is when he is frustrated with the twins progress and expresses it to me, I get mad. I don't really know why, I just do. Maybe it's because I am frustrated and don't want him to be. I want him to be my rock and tell me everything is going to be okay. They are going to get better, they are going to get married and go on a mission and have children. Truth be told, I don't know. I don't know exactly what the future holds for them, but today I am hopeful. I am sticking to it.
My eldest son started school at a fancy and semi strict charter school. I was worried that my little free spirited boy might hate it. I thought that some structure might be good for him though. Sure enough, he loves it. He loves his teacher and the friends he is making. So I couldn't be happier. I know that his school requires more homework so I know it's a commitment on my part as well (diet coke)(2 or maybe 3 route 44's :)). Sure, I always need more to do. Seriously, I love that kid to pieces and I want him to be filled with knowledge so I am happy to help.
Reese (my now 21 month old) is such a firecracker. I swear she has short man syndrome. In all honesty, I was and am still a little fearful that she is a dwarf. She is incredibly short. My other kids are tall and my husband is tall. I am a little short 5'2 but my mister is 6'2. I would only assume my kids would be tall. However, she is a midget. It's adorable but I have fears that something is wrong and I don't know it yet. Either way it doesn't matter to me but I like to be aware of it.
I am writing a novel and have piles of laundry to finish and dishes to clean, so I need to get to it. Especially since it is 12.14 am. DIET COKE, DIET COKE!! 'til we meet again.
The hubs and I
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)